Positive Self Talk – Affects Everything

Your body, thoughts, and words are three cars on life’s car lot that you truly own.  You can decide if they’re going to be your Rolls Royce or your Jalopy.

As human-beings we require nutrient rich fuel, regular exercise, and loving, supportive inner talk in order to function at an optimum level.

Positive Self Talk -Why It’s Important
Think of yourself as a small child who is vulnerable, impressionable, carefree, and by nature… happy in life. If you told a child that you hate their thighs, made a snide remark about their nose, or told them they were terrible at playing you’d most certainly crush them.

At the very least you would have damaged their self-esteem and given them body and career issues to mark the billboards along their highway of life. Regardless of who the message is coming from or at what age the message is delivered the same thing happens to you rather you’re conscious of it or not.

Positive Self Talk – When It Took A Turn for the Worst
Somewhere along your way… probably during your childhood, it was put into your head that you’re not good enough, that some aspect of yourself is not good enough just the way it is.
As adults we are just taller versions of that same vulnerable, impressionable, carefree, happy child.

Positive Self Talk -Why It’s Important

If you’re constantly being put down how do you think you will progress in your life?  Negative Self talk breeds insecurities in every part of a person’s life and prohibits them from trying new things and carrying themselves with confidence.

Without positive self talk you’ll lack the assurance that you deserve the best in life and that everything in life is available to you.

Positive Self Talk – What Happens When You Go Negative
Every time you point out a perceived flaw or beat yourself up you’re negatively affirming something to yourself.  These thoughts, words, and actions are all laden with emotion and feelings.

The more feeling you have associated with a thought, word, or an action, the more deeply entrenched those negative thoughts and responses become.  Emotions and feelings are  powerful construction crews in the mind.

Whatsoever is thought with great feeling leaves a deep imprint in the mind.

You may have thought and talked this way so much, for so long, that these have become your default thought patterns.  Perhaps currently your knee-jerky response when you look at yourself in the mirror, or are paid a compliment is to fire-off an insult and give reasoning why the compliment isn’t due.

These routine routes you’ve taken have littered your thought paths with negative thoughts, negative affirmations, and just plain icky ole feelings.

The great thing about a thought though is that you have the power to change it!

In order to change those deeply ingrained trails of negative thought you must be consistent in your reconstruction efforts.

Positive Self Talk  -Using Affirmation to Change
I suggest using affirmations to assist you in making positive thinking your new second nature.  Affirmations are anything you repeatedly say to yourself out-loud or silently.  We subconsciously do this with hurtful statements and often are not aware of the thoughts we’re having or their impact.

Several years ago I got in the habit of saying my affirmations in front of the mirror.  I had been reading Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, in which she made the suggestion to do so.  She was quick to point out just how corny and apprehensive you may feel at first, and she was right… I did feel corny!  But I noticed that I couldn’t help but smile when I looked into the mirror, into my own eyes and said something nice.

Looking into the mirror seemed to super-charge my affirmations, giving them more feeling and thereby more power.

Every thought, every word, and every action has a feeling associated with it.  Saying a positive affirmation to yourself (especially in front of a mirror), comes with a good feeling (just like those negative statements come with a bad feeling).

Positive affirmations are a wonderful beginning to change.  With the resulting positive self talk the reconstruction of old thought paths to ones better suited to the life you desire are quickly being made.

Positive Self Talk – Who to Share With
When I started doing affirmations I didn’t want any un-supportive crap from anyone.  I was training myself to think differently and I didn’t share with anyone who I thought might have pooh-poohed on my ideas.

You may feel particularly vulnerable at this time and you don’t need anything or anyone that may make you feel self-conscious or fill you with doubts.  So just keep it to yourself.

It doesn’t matter what someone else thinks… it only matters what you think.

It’s your thinking and your thinking alone that determines the quality of your life.

Positive Self Talk – Fertilize with Feeling
Saying your affirmations with feeling requires faith.  Faith in knowing that what you desire in mind exists otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to think of it.  Faith in knowing that it will come into your visual reality at the perfect time.

When I instruct you to say your affirmations with feeling I mean to believe the words that you’re saying.  When you say “I am a successful businessman”.  Say it with the confidence and  assurance that you know that’s exactly what you are.

Feeling allows your affirmation seeds to grow in nutrient-rich soil.  Your feeling also plants new seeds for what you desire.

Think of feeling as sort of a “miracle grower” added to your current state of well-being making it grow 10 times faster.

Positive Self Talk – Writing Positive Affirmations
I encourage you to not take my word for it.  Apply these concepts and see the results for yourself. Below are some affirmations to get you started but feel free to come up with your own.

A good rule of thumb for writing your own affirmations is to simply turn around the negative statements that you have about yourself.
Such as, if you find yourself saying, “I hate my body,” you’d turn that around to say “I love and appreciate my body.”

After you begin a regular practice with affirmations it won’t be long before you begin to experience positive changes within your own life.

Positive Self Talk -When to do Affirmations
There is never a bad time to say something nice to yourself.  I recommend saying your affirmations out loud to keep your mind from wondering and to ensure plenty of feeling is put into each affirmation.  Say them with as much feeling as you can muster up.

Say your affirmations while driving your car, while getting ready for the day and while preparing yourself for bed at night.  Place them where you’ll see them often (i.e. bathroom mirror, underwear draw, wallet) so they can continuously be imprinting themselves on your mind.

•    I can be successful.
•    I chose to be successful.
•    I deserve happiness, health, and prosperity.
•    I am smart.
•    I can do anything.
•    I rest peacefully.
•    I feel young.
•    I stay active.
•    I like exercise.
•    My muscles are firm.
•    I am an excellent decision maker.
•    I am a great leader.
•    I am a gift.
•    I am loved.
•    I am forgiving.

I hope this article helps you with your positive self talk.  Please “Like” us on Facebook, and write to us with your comments, questions, and feedback via the “Ask a Question” page… we’re looking forward to hearing from you!
Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell

What if you are the creator of every aspect of your life?  All your experiences all you emotions, every heartache, every achievement; what if they all come from you?

What if you are the master potter spinning the wheel, creating every masterpiece, every moment of every day?

What if every thought you have is creative by its very nature of being a thought?

What if all your thoughts were supercharged when you thought of them with emotion; positive or negative?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if every thought, when persisted in, materialized from your thought into the visual world?

What if all your anger, all your hate and un-forgiveness was never delivered to anyone outside of your own thinking, breathing body?

What if all your negative emotions, thoughts and feelings stayed with you?  Revealing themselves covertly as the stubborn weight that won’t leave your body or any number of dis-eases that can affect the body.

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if thinking about all the things that have upset you through the years only perpetuated the problem you wish would be resolved?  What if you became so wrapped up in the story and the emotion you created that you produced the opposite of what you really desired?

What if you realized that your thoughts are the creator for everything everywhere?

What if all the hurt you tried to inflict or the lessons you tried to cruelly teach had no real affect on anyone outside of yourself?

What if you wanted peace and practiced forgiveness?  What if you wanted forgiveness and didn’t hold grudges?  What if you accepted an apology instead of insisting on struggle?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if you let yourself see that not forgiving breeds distance, resentment and hatred within yourself and amongst others?

What if being angry only hurts you and those you care about most?  What if holding a grudge was the start of dis-ease within your body?

What if being angry was only the result of your own thinking? What if you didn’t allow a negative response to all the things that have upset you in the past?

What if changing what you allow yourself to think about… and controlling how you feel about what you do think about… changed your reality?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if thinking lovingly, accepting things and people as they are brought you peace instead of angst… how would your life be different?

What if accepting people with unconditional love instead of with a condemning eye made you feel more joyful?

What if all the things that upset you about others are really things that upset you about yourself?  What if you turned around the negative statements you make about another and apply them to yourself; could you look at yourself honestly and objectively?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if you could see all the times when you weren’t a good friend, parent, sibling, co-worker, or spouse?

What if you could see all the wonderful things to be learned from your own experiences as well as those you witness?

What if we helped each other when we stumble instead of pointing and criticizing when someone goes in a direction we don’t understand?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if we changed the way we think about ourselves and changed the world?

 What if  you saw yourself as me?  What if we all saw each other as a version of ourselves?  What if we saw each other as pieces of a wonderful whole?

What if we questioned our thoughts and asked “what are we thinking, why are we thinking it, where did this thought come from, and how does it serve me?”

What if we all worked daily to change our thoughts about ourselves and each other?

Changing your thoughts changes your reality

What if this simple practice is all it takes to change every aspect of our world and everyone’s existence?

Something’s to think about for our wonderful KimChell readers.  Have a wonderful day and thank you all for reading, writing to us, and commenting.  We always love hearing from you!

Most Sincerely,

KimChell

As you’ve wisely noticed these are not healthy behaviors. Your daughters weight gain is likely the cause of her self-esteem taking a nose dive; and you know you’re in position to help her regain control.

Good for you for taking the time to tune in, acknowledge and reach out to help her in the best way you can.

Daughters Weight Gain -How it starts

Slowly along her way she has developed an unhealthy relationship with food. For many kids magical times surround beautiful cakes, shimmering cookies and creamy drinks. These items subconsciously become what’s reached for in times of stress and unhappiness in an attempt to create a happier state of being… at least chemically.

Chocolate, cakes and cookies all elicit a drug like response in the brain and have been proven to have a soothing affect thus providing a person with a temporary high of sorts, followed by a low and a strong craving for more.

With all the processed foods available today these responses are even easier to get. Many processed foods have been proven to trigger cravings, and create addictive responses and feelings of never being satisfied.

Daughters Weight Gain -Nutrition Education is Key

Education can create an awareness within them about the food choices they make without coming across like your pointing fingers, talking down to them, or saying anything derogatory about their current weight.

This is key to avoid criticizing or damaging their often fragile self-esteem. We want to educate them, help them to understand their bodies, the food they eat and how and what can best serve their bodies.

As you’re shopping or preparing meals is a perfect time to make the food in hand the topic of conversation.

Make it a point to review the labels and talk about the amount of fat, sugars, protein and calories per serving.

The body runs most efficiently on natural foods… the more ingredients a “food item” has the more questions it raises. Such as what is that, what is it for, and how do I know how that affects my body long-term. If a preservative can maintain the shelf life of a “food item” for 24 months how efficiently do you think the body can completely break it down?

This is an opportunity for you to change both of your lives and bring you closer with each other. This is a win-win situation.

Daughters Weight Gain -Make it about you
Make diet and exercise something that you’re changing/implementing because of concerns for your own health. Then engage them as your partner, your coach, or person that holds you accountable.

By doing this you’re able to share all the information you need to with them, and they’re included in all the changes.

You’ll be planting seeds of awareness about food, health, and overall nutrition without having to mention one word about their size.

Self-esteem can be easily disturbed; when you can get your message across without rippling the water you’ll have the best results.

Daughters Weight Gain -Teach Portion Control
Portion control is made easy with the use of your hand and the rule of thirds.

You can show her that each meal you try to eat a portion of protein, which is the size of your open palm. This is accompanied with complex carbohydrates such as brown rice, or sweet potatoes the size of your clenched fist.  The remaining third of your plate is filled with vegetables and fruits are added more sparingly because of their sugar content.

This ensures not only balance but a satisfied stomach… you’ve given her body everything it needs, she’s not starving, and her body will begin to make positive changes.

Daughters Weight Gain -Drink Water
This cannot be stressed enough. Our muscles are made of more than 70% water, you need muscle to break down fat for energy. 8-10 glasses a day needs to be your minimum to ensure your muscles get what they need so they can function optimally.

Ask her to Google for you 10-20 reasons on why you need to drink more water. This makes it seem like she’s taking an active interest in taking care of you… the person who’s always taking care of her.

Giving her a project like this has her doing healthy research that will benefit her.  Then everything she finds goes into her mind and becomes something for her to think about and remember for herself as well.

Daughters Weight Gain -Have patience with the weight Loss

Behaviors that lead to weight gain may take a little time to get under control. She didn’t put the weight on overnight.

The key thing to remember is that it’s much easier to lose weight than it is to regain even a small chunk of self-esteem… so be gentle.

Daughters Weight Gain -Habits are formed in 2 weeks
It typically takes about 2 weeks of consistent work for something to get really implanted into our daily routine.

Commit to each other to make consistent changes in your lives for 4 weeks and hold each other accountable along the way. You being consistent with your efforts will help her to be consistent with hers.

Daughters Weight Gain -Shrinking Waist Growing Relationship
While your waist line is decreasing you’ll be increasing the respect, camaraderie, trust and companionship of your relationship.

Daughters Weight Gain -Nutrition and Exercise go hand in hand
Our bodies were not meant to be seated for 8 hours a day, have 4 hours of couch time, and an additional hour or two of personal computer time.

I never like to introduce exercise to a young person as a means to just shedding extra pounds.  Their self-esteem is so fragile that this approach could easily cause unintended damage.

I prefer to say something like “exercise develops your muscles, helps your body function at it’s best, perform better in all activities,  and reduces your risk of injury.”

Daughters Weight Gain -Learn the gym and new routines
If you know your way around the gym then give them some one-on-one instructions. Or do some research on-line for a beginners workout program.

There are several wonderful sights that will provide you with a detailed workout regimen and even show video clips of exercises if you’re unfamiliar with a move.

I’m particularly fond of bodybuilding.com. Don’t let the name fool you. Body builders have been mastering the body for years and can teach you the safest way to perform the exercises while providing the most efficient workouts for your goals.

A couple of lessons with a personal trainer can also be very effective and generally only cost about $50.00 an hour. A small price to pay for the overall health and well being of yourself and someone you love.

it won’t take long for their bodies to begin to change in positive directions and when they do… look out!

Working out increases confidence quickly. It won’t be long before people start paying them compliments, their energy increases and their overall mood begins to shift.

I hope you found this information helpful. If you have additional questions about your daughters weight gain, please contact us via the ask a question form.

Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell

Glasses are filled – conversations are strong – and often family and friends are easy targets and points of interest.

Family Gossip – Who… Me?
We’ve all done it; taking notice of the eccentric Aunt, the (labeled) crazy parent, the isolated cousin, the smelly dog, the bitchy new significant other, the quite one, the frugal one, the financially challenged one, the angry one, the controlling one, and so forth.

The material is right there, seated in your own living room and seemingly ripe for the picking.

Over the years I’ve learned and conditioned myself to steer clear of these types of conversations and if I do get involved (which I sometimes do) I try to make a conscious effort not to dabble in them for very long.

What I’ve noticed is that too much time spent gossiping about other people… family, friend, foe, or otherwise… makes my future interactions with those people a little awkward.

Family Gossip… What’s Next?
All that family gossip seems to be at the forefront of my awareness and is all I can think about when placed in front of the gossiped.  I’m distracted because the person in front of me is over-shadowed by the family gossip.

I often avoid eye contact if I know more than I should, I have preconceived notions and ideas about them, or I have some sort of chip on my shoulder from emotions I (falsely) stirred up when I was a part of the family gossip weeks earlier.

I’ve inevitably placed some sort of judgment on them and my interactions with them are noticeably different as a result.  I’m not as apt to engage them in conversation or even remain in conversation with them as long as I would otherwise.

Since I had formed opinions before, that were typically negative in nature, it was difficult for me to separate what had been conjured up in my head while listening to mindless projections from others (as well as myself ) about a person who could not comment on any of the speculations or assumptions being made about them.

Family Gossip -A Projection of Ourselves
Here’s what I know:  Whatever we see in someone else is… in some way… in us too.

So when we poke fun at the unflattering pants on another that’s because we too have been out of shape and didn’t look our best in any of our clothes.

We’ve all been in a disagreement of some sort before going to a family event and had all that tension and turmoil written all over our face.  None of us ever owed anyone there an explanation.  But many onlookers take that mole hill of disgruntle-ness and turn it into a mountain.

A series of ‘Maybe-This” and “Maybe-That” stories spiral out of control as people try to “Piece Together” the “Why” for the perceived bitchiness.

The truth is that at some point we have all:

• Been a little eccentric
• Been thought to be a little off-our-rocker
• Let our pet’s grooming needs be less of a priority
• Been bitchy and rude
• Talked less than usual
• Had financial issues
• Been angry
• Been bossy and domineering

Many times what we’re pointing out in others is what we’re trying to look away from in ourselves.

Family Gossip -Never in Secret
The gossip really takes its toll on family relations.  Gossip is negative by its very nature.  It’s rude, hurtful, and tends to divide people.

As people we are feeling beings.  Anyone that is even remotely intuitive has the good-sense to know who’s been talking about them.

It’s just one of those things you know, you can feel, and that tends to make you uncomfortable in their presence because your sixth sense (that gut feeling) is telling you that judgment for the slightest action or reaction is inevitable.

Family Gossip -How to Stop It
Before you get sucked into the family gossip this holiday season or any other time for that matter, I encourage you to take a step back, look at what’s being said and think about “What constructive thing could you add to the conversation”.

If there’s nothing you or the group as a whole could do to positively affect the person(s) being discussed its best to get the subject changed to something more light-hearted and fun.

Also, whenever you’ve engaged in even the slightest bit of gossip… family gossip or otherwise… before ending the conversation make a conscious effort to say 3 nice things about that person.  Make them genuine and sincere.

This changes the tone of the conversation as well as the thinking about the person(s).  This will help put a positive spin on the conversation as well as rid your mind of any negative things you’ve said or heard about the individuals.

Family Gossip -It’s Your Story
How much do you really know about the person you’re gossiping or hearing about?  How much time have you spent talking with them, asking them questions, and/or getting to know them?

Have you spent more time drawing up “a version of them” than in really getting to know them and who and how they are?

If your ratios are upside down then you’ve got some work to do; and don’t be surprised if they’re not eager to accept your new-found interest.  After all your behavior to them hasn’t been the most inviting.

They only real way to get to know someone and to really know yourself for that matter is to ask questions, listen, ask follow up questions, and share of yourself.

Leave the guessing and speculation to the murder-mystery novels.

Family Gossip -What Others Think
When people hear family gossip the inevitable question becomes “I wonder what they say about me when I’m not around”? 

A gossiper is the person that people won’t want to share or interact much with because they always seem to have such elaborate opinions on others that it’s expected that the gossiper would have much to say about them too.

The family gossipers may get the attention while they’re talking but typically end up to be the most ostracized members of the group.  Their gossiping actions show others not to get too close to them because they can’t be trusted.

Family Gossip -Not in Front of the Kids
Kids hear a lot of gossip about family members or people and characters on TV and it changes their image of a once beloved Aunt, or it gives them a judgment about a person they would never have thought twice about.

Please be mindful on what you’re saying and what you’re allowing to be said in front of the children.  Even when they don’t appear to be listening their little minds are soaking up everything that’s spilling out.

Most Sincerely,
Kim Chell [Kim Shell] Haskell

Starting a New Path

Are you thinking and dreaming of starting a new path or trying a new career? Do your visions of failure keep you from even making an effort? Does your family depend on you in every way?  Are fears of letting them down holding you back? If you want to do something other than what you’re doing with your life but are holding yourself at bay with worry and fear of any other scenario but success then this article is a must read for you.

We received a truly remarkable question which read “what do you do when you want to go down new paths but a wife and 5 kids rely on you going down the worn out one?”

Each day we all have our routine; we get up, use the bathroom, brush our teeth, and a laundry list of other small tasks that are specific to our own unique way of life.

After you’ve known someone a while you get use to their routine, their habits, and all the little peccadilloes that make them wonderfully unique. We get use to their alarm going off at a certain time, a particular song being played in the morning, and the spoon clanking in the glass as it stirs their protein shake.

If any of these things were to change it would generate a curious response of questions; the same is true if you were starting a new path/new career.

Starting a New Path- Give Yourself What You Want for Others
We encourage those we love to try new things, live life with an open heart, embrace change. We persuade our children to try everything at least once and exclaim to them, “How will you ever know if you don’t like it or if you’re not good at it if you don’t at least try it?”

When the children in our lives want to try a sport or an instrument and frustration begins to reign supreme, we assure them that they are developing a talent and a skill and it takes consistent practice to achieve their desired results. But many live a “do as I say not as I do life style.” That can stop any moment you chose.

Making a move towards starting a new path/new career, especially if it’s later in life or if you have children and other family that depend on you can seem almost forbidden. You cloud yourself with thoughts of “It’s too late for me, my time has passed, what if it doesn’t work, what if I’m not good at it,” and a slew of other potential reasons that you’re likely to fail.

I don’t believe that anyone wants to sit back in the afternoon of their life and begin stories with “I always wanted to…, I thought I would’ve been great at… I should have… I could have…”

Your time is right now and you have much to give. Do not let age or current life obligation be anything more than wonderful assets of your experience. The best years of your life really can be between 40 and 95.

For example, when President Herbert Hoover was in his 80s he was keeping several secretaries busy with his correspondences while he wrote political and historical books.

Socrates learned to play musical instruments and Michelangelo painted great canvases both at 80 years old. Where would we be if no one ever moved past and got over their fears of starting a new path?

The list of such achievements goes on and on. The only expectations and time frames upon us are those we place on ourselves.

Starting a New Path- Crippled By Fear
Many get so crippled by their fears of not becoming successful, not being good enough, disappointing others and themselves that they never even venture off their predictable path of existence to get around to starting a new path.

Did you know that human beings are born with only two fears; that is the fear of falling and the fear of sound (you jump at a loud noise)? The rest of our fears are those that we pick up along the way.

Your desire of starting a new path/new career is a desire for more life.

Starting a New Path for Your Life- Only You Can Do It
Your dreams, aspirations, and visions of your life are yours and yours alone. Those ideas that continue to resurface in your mind do so because there’s no one else in this world that can bring those dreams into fruition.

Although we’re all more alike than we are different there is no one in this world like you and only you can do what you do the way you do it.

Starting a New Path- Success Requires Change
Even though change is one of the few constants that life provides us many people are made extremely uncomfortable by the mere mention of it.

First know that in order for your experience to be different, that things will have to change. The more you try for the more there is for you to succeed at. You can’t very well continue to do the same thing and expect different results.

When change requires faith in the unknown and unseen it can be terrifying at best. When change forces you to face such questions as “how will I cover all my expenses and take care of my family,” fears can quickly mount against you… if you allow the thoughts.

The road of success is paved with challenges and risks, and as Joseph Murphy once said risk is your willingness to step out of your comfort zone. To succeed on starting a new path much less staying on it you must be willing to regularly be outside of your comfort zone.

Starting a New Path or New Career- Do What You Love
Get clear on what it is that you want to do and be passionate about whatever it may be. You’ll need a strong desire for any new career you seek.

Success is doing what you want and being happy doing it. If you’re always doing what you love then your passion will drive you toward advancement in that area.

Starting a New Path or New Career- Specialize in Your New Career
No matter what new career you decide on you will do best to acquire all the information that is available in that area and make all efforts to continually obtain more knowledge about it than anyone else.

Becoming so well versed in your area of expertise allows you to be of the best service to others. You’ll go beyond providing just a perfunctory service to another, you’ll be able to add value to whomever it is you serve… which brings us to our next objective.

Starting a New Path- Benefits Others
You can do anything you want. You certainly can drive yourself with a desire that’s only aimed at benefiting yourself; after all many before you have done it. Many have gotten rich by selling fraudulent stocks, fudging numbers, and essentially stealing from others. But when you take from another you are taking from yourself.

In this mindset of “Me-Only” you are operating from a place of lack and restriction. By doing so it’s just a matter of time before these thoughts and actions are manifested in your body, relationships, or other affairs. Remember that what you think about you create.

Starting a new path or career that serves and is of benefit to others provides you with a much more peaceful mind than the latter.

Starting a New Path- Learn the Laws of the Subconscious Mind
No matter what your area of interest you’ll do best to learn the laws of the subconscious mind. “When you know how to apply the powers of your mind, and when you are expressing yourself fully and giving of your talents to others, you are on the sure path to true success.” (Joseph Murphy, Power of Subconscious Mind)

I highly recommend the following quick and crucial readings:
Your Infinite Power to be Rich by Joseph Murphy
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy

Starting a New Path and a Different Life- Having Faith in Yourself
Faith in yourself and in your vision seems to be one the hardest things to do and one of the most beneficial for you and your success when it’s done. You have to have faith in yourself and in your desire; after all that desire is God within you seeking expression through you.

Faith is knowing that not only did God give you your desire but that the almighty power is backing you up and is revealing to you the perfect plan for it’s unfolding. (Joseph Murphy, Power of Subconscious Mind)

Faith in starting your new path/new career is knowing that the infinite intelligence is bringing your desire, ideal, plan or purpose to pass in divine order. (Joseph Murphy, Power of Subconscious Mind)

You are so much more than enough, you are amazing in limitless ways and the world wants you to succeed. When you’re starting a new path or getting into a new career you’re letting your own light shine and when you do that you give other people the nudge and the confidence to do the same; thus inspiring your children, grandchildren, spouse, siblings, parents, co-workers, and friends to expand within their own lives.

Starting a New Path- The Past Is Where it Belongs… Behind You!
The cool thing to remember is that no matter what your past may hold it does not direct your future unless you allow it to.

It makes no difference what you’ve done or haven’t done or how far you’ve climbed on any corporate, economic or financial ladder. In every moment of everyday we each have a brand new opportunity to do whatever it is that we so desire. The past is gone and you need not give it anymore of your attention.

Starting a New Path- Stay Away from Negative
While you’re exploring, starting a new path, or diving into a new career of interest it’s best to avoid sharing it with anyone who may pooh-pooh your ideas. This time in your life may be both an empowering and yet a vulnerable one for you where any negativity may latch onto the insecurities you’re already trying to overcome and risks bringing you down… however temporarily.

I hope this article gives you the inspiration and the nudge you sought to get and/or to keep moving in the direction of your desires.

Keep your questions, comments, or constructive feedback coming as we love hearing from you!

Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell

We received a letter from one of our readers who asked “What do you do when you’re always yelling at your children?”  She said that she was quick to yell at her kids, her spouse and other family members as well as co-workers and friends.  She felt remorse and confusion and at a loss for how to handle her emotions and these situations.

Theresa, we thank you for writing to us and hope this article gives you some insights to help you improve the relationships in your life.

Yelling at Your Children – The Picture it Paints

Yelling at your children is the essential break down of constructive and meaningful communication. Yelling is losing yourself to emotions and fears and is to surrender to tactics of intimidation when overwhelmed.

When you’re yelling at your children (or anyone) they pick up on your frustration, your temper, your lack of patience, and your inability (and seeming unwillingness) to communicate with them effectively.

Yelling at your children says to them that you are unable to control yourself and communicate your issues rationally or respectful.  When you yell at your kids it’s immediately clear that there is no conversation to be had with you and that you are the only one to be heard.

Yelling is a way to bully and frighten others and is seen as just that. Your children may do what you demand but chances are that they are only doing it to shut you up and not because they have a good understanding of the situation.

Yelling does not convey your fears, your pain, or your concern. Yelling at your children does not provide direction, information, or guidance. When you yell at children do you think they’ll do what you’re commanding out of respect, consideration or understanding?

When people yell at each other no one gains any respect, understanding, or clarity on the situation or the emotions that surround it.

Yelling at Your Children – What Happens to Them

A child that is (regularly) yelled at can expect: a poor self image and self esteem issues, to feel shamed, confused and belittled.  They will feel angry, show a lack of patience with themselves and others and are prone to mental and emotional troubles.

Many children that are yelled at may never learn to stop acting inappropriately because they spent their childhood taking orders instead of being given the direction and guidance a young person needs.

For some children that are yelled at they may also seek to have more mature relationships with their boyfriends or girlfriends.  They may try to obtain the love, respect, consideration, and compassion they’re missing at home.

When you can explain yourself and have an open dialogue with your kids then they grow to be able to explain and express themselves effectively to others. They learn the self control that comes with harnessing your emotions and handling themselves effectively.

Also effective communication conveys respect to the other person and a respectful relationship is a healthy relationship.

Yelling at your children creates another generation of short-tempered frustrated people that bark orders, yell at their children and go off in fits of rage at co-workers, lovers and friends.

I know that we can do better than this.

We can guide our children, create a dialogue with our spouses, and give understandable and comprehendible insights to our friends ad co-workers and it all starts by creating a little awareness.

Yelling at Your Children and Others -Become Aware of Your Actions

Begin simply by increasing your awareness of when you’re yelling at your children and others. At the same time take notice of what’s going on at the time, how you feel before you yell, while you’re yelling, and after the yelling has subsided.

When you create an awareness of anything it creates stillness and clarity in your mind. You’re then able to begin harnessing your thoughts and emotions to be more objective.

Once you start to become aware of how easily you’re triggered to yell you’ll likely be a little horrified at how quickly you’re set off.

Yelling at Your Children -Why are You?

Often we first have to gain an understanding as to why something is the way it is before we’re able to make a lasting change to it.

Ask yourself “Why Do I Yell?” It may be that this was a large part of how you yourself were parented when you were a child.  Many people tend to mimic their own parents methods and behaviors  not because they were a fan of them but because that’s all they’ve known.  You may not know what else to do and it takes focused efforts to change any behavior.

Perhaps you just get frustrated and feel like yelling at your children is the only way to grab their attention.

To begin, think of a time when you were yelled at either by a parent, lover, friend or anyone that comes to mind. Recall how you felt; perhaps you felt shut down, intimidated, defensive, fearful, or hurt.

Sit with those feelings for a few moments and know that when you yell at your children you are creating the same feelings within them.

Then each time after yelling at your children or at another person take a moment to examine each situation in your mind or on paper would be best for ultimate clarity and quicker results.

Ask yourself:

• What were you thinking about before you began to yell at your children?
• What triggered you to begin to yell?
• How did you feel after you finished yelling?
• Were you even more agitated than before?
• Did your mind seem to race after yelling with more negative than positive thoughts?
• What had you hoped to accomplish in the situation?
• How could you have explained what you wanted/needed/or felt so they could understand?
• What would you like the other person to take away from the scenario?
• Given the opportunity and the exact circumstances, how could you have handled the matter differently?

These times of reflection do not have to be long unless you want and feel that you need more time to work through the questions.

Each question, when answered honestly and clearly, will help to create a little more awareness within you, and increase the clearness in your mind. Having this clarity will allow you to take a moment and a deep breathe before you respond.  The clearer you can be in emotionally charged situations the easier it will be for you to articulate yourself in a clear and concise manner without having to raise your voice.

This is a good time to revisit the Take Five Method.  To use the Take Five Method we suggest that it be discussed before it can be affectively implemented.  Afterwards each party has the ability to simple say “Take Five” to break up the tension.  At the mention of these words each person separates from the other until either the 5 minutes has passed or they’ve calmed down enough to be able to constructively talk with the other.

During these few minutes you’ll have valuable seconds to think “What do I want to accomplish here?” What would be a good way to explain myself so that this person can understand what I want/need?” Thus allowing you to respond from a different place in a different way when you have a situation that may have had the old you yelling loud enough to embarrass the neighbors.

Yelling at Your Children – Are Your Expectations Not Being Met?

It’s not up to others to meet any expectations that you may have, about life, a situation, or a relationship.

You have total control over your experience and thereby your interpretation of the events in your life. If you have an expectation of how kids should behave or how something should be done it is up to you to find a constructive way to effectively communicate that so the information is age appropriate and the child/person can understand and learn from you.

If you’re upset that something isn’t going the way you expect it then YOU need to slow yourself down enough to be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Yelling at Your Children -What’s in It for You Not to Yell?

As your awareness increases then so will your positive responses. When you’re able to constructively convey yourself to others (regardless of who it is) you will feel an amazing sense of pride, a peace from not allowing yourself to become so agitated, and a calm that comes when you know you can handle yourself effectively.

When you maintain control of your thoughts and feelings in situations and don’t allow yourself to be swallowed up by swells of emotion there’s a wonderful tranquility to be had in that. It’s a wonderful feeling to go to sleep at night without tucking in the anxiety of your day with you.

You’ll have a more respectful and open relationship with your kid.  These are the people that are with you more than anyone else in the world and they look to you for guidance.  Having a good relationship with them that has both an open dialogue and a constructive nature is to everyone’s benefit.

Yelling at Your Children -Creates a Stress Response in Your Body

When you yell you create a stress response in the body. This means that your body doesn’t know why you’re upset and begins the fight or flight chemical and physical response.  When you’re yelling at your children you breathe faster and your heart rate is increase.  Fat and glucose are released for energy, blood flow is diverted away from all non-essential organs so digestion is on hold and cortisol is secreted into the body.

While cortisol is a very important hormone in the body excess amounts of it have been shown to: increase abdominal fat and blood pressure, cause blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia, suppress thyroid function, decrease bone density and muscle tissue… among other health concerns.

So keeping yourself in a more relaxed, collected, and peaceful state may keep you thinner and healthier!

Yelling at Your Children -Do You Need to Control Everything?

Having a feeling of need to control everything and maintain order down to the smallest of details is a fear of life. A need to control everything is the refusal to flow freely with life and the changes life brings.

Life is change, the two words are synonymous. There is no day like today; every part of everyday is different. You may have a routine that helps you to accomplish the things you desire aim to get done each day but even that changes with the wind of life.

Welcome change and it will be easier for you to accept it, deal with and embrace it.

Dr. Joseph Murphy once said that “Success often requires change. Those not willing to change will live a life like everyone else. Those who accept risk live like no one else.” He also said that “Risk is a measure of your willingness to step out of your comfort zone.”

Be willing to change, live a life like no one else, and step out of your comfort zone.  The yelling at your children will surely come to an end and your life will open up in wonderful ways.

I hope this article helps you to harness your emotions and communicate more effectively with others. Please like us on Facebook and submit your comments, questions and suggestions via the “Ask a Question” .

Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell

We received the following letter from one of our wonderful readers:

My sister has really pissed me off.  Our family scheduled our Easter plans at a specific time, we notified her a week in advance, and she had already planned the Holiday with her spouse, step-child, and his family at the same time.  I feel that she is always thinking and planning things only for herself and excluding others, especially her family.  She is so selfish and self-involved that she irritates me to an ugly place.  I haven’t spoken with her since.  She has contacted me via phone, text, and email, but I don’t care to respond.  She had sent me an email that really pushed me over the edge.  How can I make her see how selfish she has been?  How can I show her that we (her family) just want to be included in her life?  How can I get her to make her family more important to her?
~  Randy

Randy thanks so much for sharing your situation.  This matter likely goes much deeper for you than a double-booked holiday and an unpleasant email in order for you to be carrying around this much emotion about your sister.

I believe it’s important for you and your happiness to gain an understanding of what it is that’s making you so emotionally charged when it comes to your sister.

In order for you to do that you need to get clear on the story you have about her and this event; by the tone of your letter, it seems that you’ve been playing this event over and over again in your mind.

The Work – by Byron Katie

Through knowledge and truthful application of The Work you’ll gain perspective on your thoughts about other people, events, places, yourself, and so on.

First you go through what is called the “Judge-Your Neighbor” worksheet.  Using short and simply sentences to respond to the questions you simply say what you mean.  This is for you and is really not meant to be shared.  This is personal, and often deep emotional work.  In order for you to really get anything out of this you need to allow yourself to be honest.

When you answer the questions it’s important that you give yourself permission to experience your pain, frustration, anger, and whatever emotions are applicable and not to censor yourself.

The Judge Your Neighbor worksheet by Byron Katie allows you to express your thoughts, frustrations, complaints, anger and so-on and fully go through your emotions on paper.

Below is an introduction to The Work as it applies to your situation Randy.

Beginning The Work -Start with the Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet

1) Using your case as an example, you may say that you’re angry at your sister because she only thinks and plans things for herself and that she excludes her family.

2) What do you want to happen?
You said you want her family to be more important to her.

3) What is it that your sister should or shouldn’t do, be, think, or feel?  What advise can you offer?
For your situation and for example purposes, you may answer by saying that she should try harder to plan things with her family, she shouldn’t just think of herself, she shouldn’t exclude her family.

4) What does your sister need to do in order for you to be happy?
Perhaps you need your sister to apologize, and to make greater efforts to include her side of the family in her plans.

The Work – Four questions

Apply each of the below questions to each answer provided in the worksheet above.

A)    Is it true?
B)    Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
C)    How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?
D)    Who would you be without that thought?

For example, you said your sister always thinks and plans things only for herself, she excludes others, and she excludes her family.

Is that true?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
Can you absolutely know that she doesn’t think a single thought or plan a single detail for anyone other than herself?  Can you know with whole-hearted certainty that she excludes all others as well as her family from her plans?

When you believe this to be true, how do you react, how do you feel, what’s your response to that thought?

If you didn’t have that thought, who would you be?  How would you feel?

The Work – The Turnaround

The Work then takes you through a turnaround of the original thought.
So, your original thought is: “She always thinks and plans things only for herself, she excludes others, and she excludes her family.”

A)    To the self – I always think and plan things only for others, I exclude myself.
B)    To the other – I always think and plan things only for me, I exclude her, and our family excludes her.
C)    To the opposite – My sisters thinks and plans things for others, she includes others, and her family.

The Work- Turnaround is True

Now find 3 true and detailed examples of how each turnaround is true in your life.

Byron Katie has a wonderful website dedicated to The Work.  Here you will find additional worksheets that you may find beneficial in working through this issue; The Work.

The Work- Getting and Receiving what you want

You mentioned that your sister has made several attempts to contact you in what I can only assume are attempts to make amends.

If you’re searching for an apology but are not accepting it when it’s given then it appears that there’s something about the negative attention and/or the negative feeling that is giving you something you feel you need.  Perhaps it’s the security of a familiar feeling, or displaced negative energy and emotions now being given a direction.

The whole idea here with The Work is to turn your situation around and look at things from another perspective.  Allow yourself to see the “4-D” image of your story.

Guided by The Work you’re able to turn every thought and every emotion around to find a deeper truth to whatever story you may be running with.

When you turn your thoughts around you give yourself the gift of seeing things through another set of glasses.  With this new-found perspective you can find so much truth, peace, and clarity in what once was just a smokey-rubble of your emotions.

By openly and honestly doing The Work, which takes you deeper into the emotions surrounding the issue, I believe that you’ll be able to work through this matter in a way that may bring you many surprising and personal revelations.

If you’re willing to share your experience with The Work we’d love to hear back from you.

Please feel free to contact us here at KimChell Talk any time with your questions, insights, stories, and constructive feedback.

Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell

Learn on the go! Download audio books from your favorite authors and listen at your conveneice. This works great for self development on the go, or just reading from your favorite authors. Click on the image below for more details!

My ten year old daughter bit a friend at school.  The story she gave us was that she asked her friend if she could bite her, her friend agreed, she bit her, her friend got mad (she must have gotten bit harder than she was expecting), and went and told the principal.  My daughter ended up getting a detention for it.  She has been really into the recent vampire movies and books but we were a little stumped at how to discipline her or what to say.  Any thoughts?

Mitchell I would first ask her what she expected to happen after she bit her friend?  How did she picture it happening in her head?  I would ask her what would have been her ideal response?  I would question why she wanted to bite her in the first place.  I would further ask why she bit her so hard, because with that it seems that she was trying to break the skin and draw blood. 

Try to get in her head with these questions so you can gain an understanding of what her thinking was. There's not much to be learned by just saying don't do that, or telling them what they did was wrong.  So try to steer clear of the classics such as "we don't bite, No-Biting, or Biting is bad." These impersonal blah statements truly get you no where with your child.  These phrases only set up a wall, a barrier between you and your child and discourage communication or any real growth for either one of you. 

I don't mean to encourage the biting either. I just mean that you have to understand it before you can expect to get any meaningful results. You have to draw her out by asking questions.  Kids are thinking all of the time, just like you and me, if you want to help them make changes in their life you'll need to understand them first. 

Once you can get her to go through the thought process of her actions (all while taking you with her), there's much to be gained for her and for you. 

In this way you open up your lines of communication.  When she acted out and was disciplined at school you took a different, more insightful, and more personal approach.  You took an interest in her.  By inquiring more you let your daughter know that you want to know her, that you want to understand her, and that what she thinks, and why she does what she does is important to you.

I also suggest that you ask her about what she's reading and watching.  Have her tell you about the story line, and what she likes best and why.  This will give you some insight into what's going on inside her head.  Chances are best that since your daughter is into vampire themed entertainment that her actions had something to do with something she watched or read.

My daughter is reading these vampire chapter books as well and is completely addicted to them.  She hangs on the authors every written word, she can repeat the characters histories, stories, friends, and personal relationships on command… she just loves them. 

The last time we talked about these books one of the things she mentioned was that the main character, which is the one I think she's the most fond of, bit these two girls then they became (somehow) his servants.  I'm not quite sure on how that works and I may not be exact on the details. 

How to Discipline My Child
I do not believe there are any hard and fast rules on parenting or that one method is necessarily good or bad.  I simply believe that there is a good, better, and a best way of everything.  There are many ways to discipline your children and certainly an array of sites on how to punish your kids. 

How should I discipline my child was essentially the question.  After the above actions have been taken, after you've opened up the doors of communication and gained some essential insight I suggest asking her what she thinks would be the best course of action for her discipline wise. 

The idea here is that most people will punish themselves far more severely for their wrongs than anyone else would.  Also, having her weigh in on the punishment means that she gets to choose what's best for her, she gets a say in what's happening to her.  This helps her to take it more seriously and increases the likelihood of it sticking. 

I hope this helps you to better respond to your daughter biting others.  

If you have any questions, comments or feedback please contact me via the contact page.

Most Sincerely,

KimChell

I have received more than a few inquiries regarding affirmations with particular requests for sample affirmations on a variety of different subject matter.  Affirmations are really any thought that you think or say out-loud or to yourself all of the time.

For our intent and purposes we will refer to affirmations as being statements said with intention.  You are no longer letting your mind wonder away with whatever gibberish that may have previously been common place.  You are taking control of your thoughts; you are giving them your attention for your desires.

Any positive thing you say to yourself is good for your overall well-being and state of mind.  However, I do believe that you’ll find your affirmations more useful if you tailor them specifically to you and your situation much like a tailor would fit you for a custom fit jacket.

Use whatever affirmations below that you like and that feel right with you.  Then, once you’re comfortable, start to write some of your own that are specific to you and your ideal state.

Affirmations for Love – Emotions Affect Affirmations

Remember that your affirmations are going to be much more affective that much faster if you can invoke your emotions while saying them.  Your thoughts are energy and your emotions put those thoughts into motion.

You stir up a much stronger emotional response when you raise your voice and vary your inflection oppose to when you just read something off in a monotone voice.

Your emotions will be stronger still if you give your attention to the words as you say them instead of uttering the words with your mouth while your mind is wondering off on anything other than the task at hand.

Thoughts are energy and the emotions you put behind your thoughts set your life in motion.  If you constantly are affirming that money is hard to come by, then don’t be surprised if you receive small raises from your employer, barely meet your social obligations, and have trouble accumulating wealth.

Affirmations for Love – When did Negative Thinking Start

You’ve likely been thinking this way for a long time and if it were working for you I doubt that you’d be here, reading this article.  Thinking in a way that doesn’t suite you was most likely thrust upon you as a young child by people who had learned to think and act the way they did from the people that surrounded them as a child.

Now here you sit with so much knowledge literally at your fingertips and you realize that you have the power to change your experience.  It may seem too easy but I say… it’s just as easy as it should be.

Mirror Affirmations
If you don’t spend much of any time looking into your own eyes then I can’t recommend doing it enough.  I’ve done this before I even fully understood the significance or the impact of it.  For me it feels like reconnecting to something within myself, like I’m starring into something that knows and understands my many anguishes.  Which is true, no one understands me and my experiences the way I do.

Looking into your own eyes gives great comfort and peace.  It brings you back to the present moment when you’ve slipped off into worry about the future or sadness about the past.

Another way to look at this is to realize that some of the most powerful and emotionally striking messages we’ve received have been from others who looked us directly in the eye.

You taking the time to look into your own eyes when you say something solidifies the importance and the power of your own message.

But seriously, don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself.  Look into your eyes and just say hello, say I love you, or any one of the many affirmations listed below.

If you’re scoffing at this idea remember how many times you’ve stood in front of the mirror getting ready or passed by your reflection and let out a deep and heavy-hearted sigh at some aspect of your body that just doesn’t measure up to how you’d like it to be.

Recall the countless times you condemned yourself for not being better at something or for not doing more in a day.

The only difference here is that instead of affirming something negative about yourself you are affirming something positive about yourself.

You can change your thinking and thereby your experience by taking control of your thoughts.  You must realize that you have a say in what plays in your mind.  You do not have to think thoughts that don’t suite you and your desires.

As Wayne Dyer says, “Change your thoughts and you will change your life.”

Affirmations for Love – Writing Your Affirmations

When you write out affirmations of your own then do so describing your ideal situations and be specific, be crystal clear on exactly what you would like to experience.  Write each one 10 times to really get them imprinted on your mind.

Affirmations for Love – Relationship Affirmations

Below are affirmations concerning relationships.  If you are not presently in a relationship the idea here is to be thinking only of the ideal relationship you desire.  If you continually think of your relationship disasters then you will go on to have similar experiences as you try to move your life forward.

If you are in a relationship and wish to tailor these affirmations, then you would say something like, “Joan and I are very patient with each other.”

• My partner and I are very patient with each other.
• My partner and I are very understanding of each other.
• My partner and I hug, touch, and kiss each other all the time.
• My partner and I have a wonderful sex life.
• My partner and I are very affectionate with each other.
• My partner and I have great respect for each other.
• My partner and I are very considerate of each other.
• My partner and I genuinely enjoy each others company.
• My partner and I love to cook with each other.
• My partner and I laugh together all the time.
• My partner and I have a wonderful friendship.
• My partner and I have lives outside of our relationship.
• My partner is comfortable within his own skin.
• My partner cares about my feelings.
• My partner is honest even when it’s not easy.
• My partner has great integrity.
• My partner is a great kisser.
• My partner takes excellent care of his physical, mental, and spiritual health.
• My partner has goals and takes action to move himself towards them.
• My partner will try most anything at least once.
• My partner treats others with respect and appreciation.
• My partner appreciates affection.
• My partner is a little goofy and silly at times.
• My partner makes me laugh.
• My partner laughs more than he scowls.
• My partner loves the time he spends with family and friends.
• My partner enjoys a bit of travel.

What’s Next

The positive talk is great in helping you feel better and is instrumental in bringing better experiences into your life.  But you’re not likely to find your ideal match sitting on your couch when you return from the bathroom during a commercial break of your favorite sit-com.  You must give your words action.

You must go places, you must do things, and you must interact with the world.  For example, if you’ve always wanted to learn how to khaki then take a community course with a friend, you never know who will be doing the same.

If you like to read, do so in a public place.  Simply go to a coffee shop for a while, have some tea, and read for an hour or so.  Join a club and become active in the things that interest you.  You are surrounding yourself with like minded people, and you are further allowing the universe to do its job.

If you want someone to cuddle you on those chili evenings you have to put yourself out into the world.

Affirmations for Love – How to Use These Affirmations

Set aside a few minutes each day, preferably first thing in the morning or right before bed when your subconscious mind seems most open.  Invoke your emotions, sit in front of the mirror, look into those beautiful eyes of yours and proclaim your affirmations.  Get excited about the new life you are beginning, think about the new possibilities and adventures.

Give yourself praise for being brave and busting out of an old and familiar way that was getting you nowhere.

The more persistent you are with an affirmation the more it becomes the natural nature of your thoughts.  You will be surprised and delighted at how differently you feel after only a short time of affirming your best life.

I hope you were able to find some relationship affirmations that work for you.  If you have a relationship affirmation you’d like to share, a constructive comment to leave, or a question of your own please contact me.

Most Sincerely,
KimChell Haskell